CROSS THE RIVER BEFORE YOU INSULT THE CROCODILE

Murphy's Teaching Laws
 
The clock in the instructor's room will be wrong.
Disaster will occur when visitors are in the room.
A subject interesting to the teacher will bore students.
The time a teacher takes in explaining is inversely proportional to the information retained by students.
A meeting's length will be directly proportional to the boredom the speaker produces.
Students who are doing better are credited with working harder. If children start to do poorly, the teacher will be blamed.
The problem child will be a school board member's son.
When the instructor is late, he will meet the principal in the hall.
If the instructor is late and does not meet the principal, the instructor is late to the faculty meeting.
New students come from schools that do not teach anything.
Good students move away.
When speaking to the school psychologist, the teacher will say: "weirdo" rather than "emotionally disturbed".
The school board will make a better pay offer before the teacher's union negotiates.
The instructor's study hall be the largest in several years.
The administration will view the study hall as the teacher's preparation time.
Clocks will run more quickly during free time.
On a test day, at least 15% of the class will be absent
If the instructor teaches art, the principal will be an ex-coach and will dislike art. If the instructor is a coach, the principal will be an ex-coach who took a winning team to the state.
Murphy's Law ill go into effect at the beginning of an evaluation.

THESE ARE MURPHY'S LAWS - JUSTIN RUBEN

Original Murphys Laws

If anything can go wrong, it will.
If there is a possibility of several things going wrong, the one that will cause the most damage will be the one to go wrong.
Corollary: If there is a worse time for something to go wrong, it will happen then.
If anything just cannot go wrong, it will anyway.
If you perceive that there are four possible ways in which something can go wrong, and circumvent these, then a fifth way, unprepared for, will promptly develop.
Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Nature always sides with the hidden flaw.
Mother nature is a bitch.
Murphy's Law of Copiers

The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.

Murphy's Law of the Open Road

When there is a very long road upon which there is a one-way bridge placed at random, and there are only two cars on that road, it follows that:

the two cars are going in opposite directions, and
they will always meet at the bridge.
Murphy's Law of Thermodynamics

Things get worse under pressure.

The Murphy Philosophy

Smile . . . tomorrow will be worse.

Quantization Revision of Murphy's Laws

Everything goes wrong all at once.

Murphy's Constant

Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value

Murphy's Law of Research

Enough research will tend to support your theory.

Addition to Murphy's Laws

In nature, nothing is ever right. Therefore, if everything is going right ... something is wrong.

More Laws


Anything that can go wrong will go wrong.

It is impossible to make anything foolproof because fools are so ingenious.

Left to themselves, things tend to go from bad to worse.

Rule of Accuracy: When working toward the solution of a problem, it always helps if you know the answer.
Corollary: Provided, of course, that you know there is a problem.

Nothing is as easy as it looks.

Everything takes longer than you think.

If anything simply cannot go wrong, it will anyway.

Whenever you set out to do something, something else must be done first.

Every solution breeds new problems.

The legibility of a copy is inversely proportional to its importance.

Matter will be damaged in direct proportion to its value

You cannot successfully determine beforehand which side of the bread to butter.

The chance of the bread falling with the buttered side down is directly proportional to the cost of the carpet.

You will always find something in the last place you look.

No matter how long or how hard you shop for an item, after you've bought it, it will be on sale somewhere cheaper.

The other line always moves faster.

In order to get a loan, you must first prove you don't need it.

Anything you try to fix will take longer and cost you more than you thought.

If you fool around with a thing for very long you will screw it up.

If it jams - force it. If it breaks, it needed replacing anyway.

When a broken appliance is demonstrated for the repairman, it will work perfectly.

Build a system that even a fool can use, and only a fool will use it.

Everyone has a scheme for getting rich that will not work.

In any hierarchy, each individual rises to his own level of incompetence, and then remains there.

There's never time to do it right, but there's always time to do it over.

When in doubt, mumble. When in trouble, delegate.

Anything good in life is either illegal, immoral or fattening.

Murphy's golden rule: whoever has the gold makes the rules.

A Smith & Wesson beats four aces.

In case of doubt, make it sound convincing.

Never argue with a fool, people might not know the difference.

No good deed goes unpunished. - Sent by john cougar and by getalife who asks "who wrote that?". do you have an answer? Mail us.

Penza's law about math's lessons:
The porter will knock at the door at the most crucial point of the lesson. - Sent by Simone Penzavalle

Where patience fails, force prevails. - Sent by Woody.

Bahaman's Law on Computer Software:
for any given software, the moment you manage to master it, a new version of that software appears in the market. - Sent by Bahaman.

Erma Bombeck
"Anything dropped in the bathroom will fall in the toilet.
Sent by - Amwood1@amwoodhomes.com.

Heisenberg indetermination principle applied to ill luck:
The better you know the amount of ill luck that will strike you,
the worse you know when this will happen,
and vice-versa.
and Relativistic correction of Murphy's law:
Whether things can go wrong or not, it depends on your frame of reference.
Corollary (otherwise said: ill luck is actually absolute):
Regardless of your frame of reference, things will go wrong anyway.
Were sent by - Simone Penzavalle.

Murphy's Laws of Airline Travel
The distance to your departure gate is directly proportional to the weight of your carry on luggage and inversely proportional to the time remaining before your flight. - Sent by Rick Delaney. I hope to open one day a page for Murphy's Laws of Airline Travel, since I think Murphy fly a lot.

If you want something bad enough, chances are you won't get it.

If you think you are doing the right thing, chances are it will back-fire in your face.

When waiting for traffic, chances are that when one lane clears the other is congested.

Just when you think things cannot get any worse, they will.

Remember the "Boomer-rang" effect; Whatever you do will always come back.

If you re-act to actions, you've acted on actions.

He who angers you controls you, there-fore you have no control over your anger. - The last SEVEN laws were sent by Leesa, Thank you.

Any time you put an item in a "safe place", it will never be seen again.

Your best golf shots always occur when playing alone.

The worst golf shots always occur when playing with someone you are trying to impress.

No matter how hard you try, you cannot push a string.
(getting everyone in the family to the car at the same time for example)

The fish are always biting....yesterday!

The cost of the hair do is directly related to the strength of the wind.

Great ideas are never remembered and dumb statements are never forgotten

Email:
justinruben2003@yahoo.com
Website:
www.justinruben.8m.net